Head of What Household?

A friend posted on her blog her irritation with having to check the “divorced” instead of “single” on her tax form. Her indignation at having to label herself is apparent and I have to agree with her.

Not that I think this but some feel that having to proclaim yourself as divorced is like admitting that you failed at something. Why bring up the negative event in your life that you are trying makes you feel bad? I know that these labels are helpful for national census, tax bracket categories, etc… But really, why do we have to define ourselves on a national comparison.

This leads to one of my biggest pet peeves in the history of my adulthood. I had no problem checking the “married” box at age 23 and on but what made my hair stand on end was the “Head of the Household” box that goes along with it. I could ramble for hours about the dominance of male status especially once married but I will stick to this particular annoyance. I guess because my husband makes more money than I make and always will. Unless by chance I publish a New York Times best seller or win the Georgia Lottery, he will have the privilege of being the Head of the Household.

But along with this label comes the social expectation that he is the decision maker, the holder of the accounts, the big cheese who permits and denies my decisions and actions. I don’t think so. One of my favorite (or not so favorite) solicitation calls came from a male who wanted to speak with the Head of the Household. I remained silent for a good 10-15 seconds in shock and then asked what did he mean? He then stated that he needed to speak to my husband. I asked him why he would need to speak to my husband. I could tell he was becoming uncomfortable but he made the grave mistake of revealing his impatience and began to talk to me in a condescending voice about how he needed to talk with the person of the home who made the decisions.

Oh really. I stated as politely as I could that I made most of the decisions (not true, we equally partake in this marital action) and that he was speaking to the Head of the Household. He then had the nerve to ask again for my husband. I repeated that he was talking with the Head of the Household. My unwelcome solicitation friend hung on me.

Do companies really believe that when they insult a partner in a household that they are going to get whatever information they are calling for? Not so much, cowboy.

Here's an idea: how about collecting statistical information based on gender, age, salary and location? Hell, I wouldn’t even mind stating what my occupation is, just for the record. But to pigeon hole me and my family into terminology according to age-old labels is insulting and counterproductive. And, it highly pisses me off.

I commented on my friend’s blog and stated that she should have marked “single” and written in “THANK GOD”. I realized early on that I could fight, bitch, scream and grudge against societal labels but the only thing that would change would be me. I now use humor and sarcasm to counteract any compilations of our family’s information. I cross out Head of the Household on forms, hand phone solicitations to my youngest child (he does run our household) or hang up. I am, of course, the Head of the Household on those decisions.